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The Worst Sex Yet

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The Setup Call me shallow. Maybe I am. But I’ve been spoilt. Tattoo Man, Bodybuilder, The Mechanic, they’re all 10 out of 10s, and I’ve had the absolute joy of playing with them. Honestly, how lucky am I? But I’ve always said, and I mean it, that variety is important. Connection matters more to me than just a perfect body. So when Chubby messaged, I was open. He was 6ft, chunky, and had the loveliest smile. He drove up from London for a drink, and we chatted like old friends, with a cheeky, flirty current running underneath everything. Standing next to our cars afterward, the sexual tension was thick in the air. He wanted to kiss me. I tilted my head so he kissed my neck instead. His hands were on my waist, and he was literally and figuratively begging for more. It took all my self-control not to give in there and then. We arranged a play date for Friday. 8pm. But life had other plans. By 7.50, my mum hadn’t left, the kids weren’t asleep, I hadn’t showered, and I was running o...
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Out of This World

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  There are parties you look forward to, and then there are the ones you plan your month around. This was very much the latter. I’d spent days perfecting my outfit - part fantasy, part “please don’t let me get pulled over by the police dressed like this.” By the time I left the house, I looked every inch the sci-fi goddess version of myself: tight outfit, gravity-defying cleavage, hair that would make a stylist weep, and those infamous buns (can you guess what I dressed as?). I laughed the whole drive thinking about having to explain myself if I got stopped - or worse, crashed. We arrived safely, took some photos outside, and the compliments started before we’d even crossed the threshold. It’s amazing how confident you feel once you lean into looking utterly ridiculous. The Fantasy Fulfilled Inside, we bumped straight into Robbie and Heather a fun-loving friend’s with benefits couple. Heather is totally gay, apart form Robbie. Robbie’s jaw dropped when he saw me. “You have no i...
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Taking the Fox and Hound’s virginity

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Now I get a fair amount of criticism for my love of single men, but that is far from all I play with. Couples and groups are usually in a club and then it’s mixed in with lots of other fun! We did invite one couple over to our house though…. the Fox and the Hound. A lovely couple that we had seen on Fabs and then went on to meet at an organised social. Chat was easy with the Hound being the leading the conversation so we set a date for them to visit. How late is too late? We like to play like other people watch Netflix: one episode, maybe two if we’re reckless, and then lights out before midnight. But Fox and Hound clearly hadn’t read our schedule. The invitation is from 8pm to meet and please fuck off by 10.30pm so we can play ourselves and still get to bed by midnight. The kids are up at 6am regardless and work is tough so we need sleep. The Fox and Hound didn’t arrive until 10.30 …. although they said they’d be there by 9pm. On top of that, whereas men are easy to get right down ...
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TripAdvisor for Swingers?

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  With work swallowing my evenings and my period being unpredictable, the actual sex has been thin on the ground lately. Which means more time scrolling Fabs and Reddit, and more time noticing the quirky little habits of swinging life online. Verifications: More Compliments than Clues On paper, verifications on Fabs sound brilliant. A community-driven way to prove someone is real by cam, phone, or in person. In practice? They’ve become more like TripAdvisor for swingers. Only with hotels you can’t hide the bad reviews but Fabs you can so the verifications are only glowing. It remind me more of reading school reports where "chatty" meant "doesn't ever stop fucking talking!". So you’ll see lines like “Beautiful couple” or “Genuine guy” repeated endlessly. But what does that really mean? Beauty is subjective. I swoon for a hairy chest; someone else prefers smooth muscle. Profiles are zoomed in body parts and there's guarantee that the person did actually m...
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The Pharmacist : Plan B

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  The Morning After (and the Pharmacist Who Knows Too Much) So… after the meet with ’Tism and the split condom, I had to do the most mortifying thing possible. March my arse down to the pharmacy on a bank holiday Monday for the morning-after pill. For my American readers: that’s Plan B. This was a first. Young pharmacist ushers me into the consultation room. In the UK, you get it free if you answer their questions so I figure I'll answer them. Name. Easy. Date of birth. He double-takes. “How old are you?” “34.” “No way. I thought you were way younger.” Cheers, young pharmacist. Compliments and contraception in one go, the day might be improving! We get into the medical questions. “Was this a regular partner?” Nope. “Was this a one-off?” Also nope. His eyebrows are climbing higher than his hairline. Then he spots my wedding ring. “Are you married?” “Yep.” “Was it your husband?” “Nope.” At this point his eyes are doing Olympic-level gymnastics. “Are you safe?” “Yes.” “...
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The Myth of Acceptance

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  The Myth of Acceptance: Why Swingers Can Be the Most Judgemental of All We call this lifestyle accepting. A place where people come together to explore, connect, and enjoy each other without the judgement of the vanilla world. That’s the reputation, at least and what people say when telling others how much they like the social side of all of this. But I’m calling bullshit. Swingers can be some of the most judgemental people I’ve ever met. 1. Judged Like Meat on a Shelf Let’s start with the obvious: looks. Potential playmates are judged on the shallowest, most arbitrary features. Height, weight, cock size, race, nationality, ethnicity. It’s a meat market. Instead of seeing people, we reduce them to body parts they have no control over and dismiss them with a swipe, delete or block. Disposable. Now, attraction matters. Of course it does. Chemistry isn’t a given, and nobody should play with someone they don’t desire. But there’s a big difference between having preferences and...
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Single Men in the Lifestyle: The Good, the Bad, and the Hedonistic

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Single men. Love them or avoid them, they make up the biggest proportion of the club, the apps, and the orgasms. But not all single men are created equal! Let’s Define Our Terms When I say single men , I don’t mean relationship status. I don’t care if a man has a girlfriend, a wife, a situationship, or if he’s genuinely unburdened by anyone at all. I’ll play regardless. To me, single men are defined by how they play . If a man turns up to a meet, a club, or a social without a partner in tow - no woman, no man, no couple - then in lifestyle terms he’s a “single man.” Simple as that. So now we’re on the same page, let’s talk about the two broad categories I’ve noticed. And I’ll say this up front: I’ve played with men in both camps, I still do, I love men from both camps and both groups have their pros and cons. Camp One: The Men Who Just Want To Get Laid Let’s start with the most obvious group: men who are here for one reason - to fuck. These guys often look at the lifestyle with ...
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The Bodybuilder, Bound and Begging

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  Anticipation Crushed Having the Bodybuilder visit is ALWAYS a highlight. Life had got in the way and I did not enjoy the fact our diaries didn’t align. Eventually we had a Saturday in the calendar when his Mrs was working so he could come over while my husband took the kids out. He messages to say he’s leaving, I jump in the shower and get a message to say traffic is hell when I get out. He’s going to be 20 minutes late so I can slow down while getting ready. Just as I light the final candle and flop onto the bed in anticipation I get the message. “Mrs just called. She’s coming home from work sick. I’ve had to turn around. Sorry.” Devastation doesn’t even begin to cover it but I let Mr know and put jeans a t-shirt back on. The disappointment is palpable. Not just because we had all been looking forward to this visit with a clear plan in mind for what we would get up to, but because there was no new date in the diary. He had holidays, I had travel for work. We were looking at mo...
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Lurch cried on me…

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  Tied and blindfolded for his arrival So Lurch came back. Visually he’s not really my type, so I had a plan in my head. I wanted to be blindfolded with my hands tied behind my back when he arrived. Unfortunately, the kids had other ideas and Mr was still in the shower when Lurch pulled onto the drive. Then he just sat there for a while, which meant there actually would have been time to set everything up but I’d missed the chance. Using his intiative! We sat down together and he surprised me by choosing to sit right next to me on the big L-shaped section of the sofa. I was impressed that he came so close straight away. Then he leaned in and started kissing me. Honestly, this reminded me why I sometimes think about bringing back the no-kissing rule. It wasn’t terrible, but he was a little too insistent with his tongue for my taste. Not knowing exactly what he wanted next, I told him about my failed plan. His answer: “We can fix that.” Tied and Blindfolded He grabbed the tie...
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He’s straight but fucked another man…

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  ‘tism returned. He was round not that long ago . It was a good meet although he lasted mere seconds. I had a feeling that a repeat meet would only yield better results and I was right - although it didn’t quite start as I hoped. He was bang on time. I was running late. He had said he has a thing for rubber which apparently is the one thing that I don’t own. So I chose a pleather corset that I struggled to tighten myself. He was at the door and I was not ready but let him and then lit the candles and poured the drinks. He was awkward again, not quite mastering the small talk, the flirt and banter. He also said NOTHING positive about the outfit, and believe me the corset, thong, fishnet bralette and gorgeous gown warranted a reaction. But he did start to kiss me. He seemed nervous though and he made no move to do anything else. I stripped him down and I enjoyed kissing his cock, and sucking it. The slight downward angle perfect for deepthroating and he was quick to ask me to sl...
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My first shibari

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  So today was another private party. Honestly, it was hands down the best event we’ve been to. Not because the venue was better or the guests were better, but because I relaxed into it and had the absolute best time. Play #1 – Simon Simon from the interracial party and mini gangbang  arrived after us (and we were already a little late). He clocked me immediately and headed straight over with a warm smile and big hug. After a month of soul searching I know what I really need from swinging: to feel chosen, not the back-up. Simon does this in spades. He smiles easily, he’s tactile, and when he’s with me his gaze doesn’t wander. I feel chosen. He told me he wanted me, and although I hesitated, I knew I would go with him. He grabbed a drink, got changed, and met us in the dungeon. It was light, cool, and quiet. Once settled on the bed we started with kisses. Nothing wild, nothing kinky - just vanilla, but exactly what I needed. He lavished attention on my boobs and nipples, ...
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