TripAdvisor for Swingers?

 

With work swallowing my evenings and my period being unpredictable, the actual sex has been thin on the ground lately. Which means more time scrolling Fabs and Reddit, and more time noticing the quirky little habits of swinging life online.

Verifications: More Compliments than Clues

On paper, verifications on Fabs sound brilliant. A community-driven way to prove someone is real by cam, phone, or in person. In practice? They’ve become more like TripAdvisor for swingers. Only with hotels you can’t hide the bad reviews but Fabs you can so the verifications are only glowing. It remind me more of reading school reports where "chatty" meant "doesn't ever stop fucking talking!".

So you’ll see lines like “Beautiful couple” or “Genuine guy” repeated endlessly. But what does that really mean? Beauty is subjective. I swoon for a hairy chest; someone else prefers smooth muscle. Profiles are zoomed in body parts and there's guarantee that the person did actually meet the other person. The reviews are flattering, yes, but not always useful.

Still, there’s something nice about them. I love the glow reading a verification left after a meet. A little virtual pat on the back, even if they don’t help much with deciding who to meet.

Public and Private Personas

One thing I’ve noticed online is the gap between what people say publicly and how they act privately. Profiles talk endlessly about respect and sincerity, but those same people can vanish without a word.

And then there’s the other side: someone who might come across as brusque or damright rude in comments but then apologise and ask for validation in private messages. It can feel like two parallel conversations are happening at once.

Sometimes I wonder if we really need two apps: one for what we say we want, and another for what we actually want.

Authenticity and Anonymity

Another common theme is authenticity. Some people argue that hiding your face or using a pseudonym is “inauthentic.” I don’t agree.

There are plenty of reasons to be cautious from jobs, families, exes, or just wanting to keep a part of your life private. Anonymity doesn’t mean dishonesty. In fact, it can make it easier to share honestly, because you don’t feel exposed in ways you’re not ready for. Who you are still comes through.

Final Thoughts

Swinging is often described as a world of freedom, acceptance, and fun. And it is but it’s also full of the same quirks and contradictions as the vanilla world. We boost each other with glowing reviews, say one thing in public and sometimes act differently in private, and wrestle with how much of ourselves to reveal.

Maybe the answer isn’t to chase one “true” version of ourselves, but to accept that both the public and private personas have their place. After all, swinging isn’t just about who we are in the bedroom, it’s also about how we connect, communicate, and navigate the messy, human parts in between.

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