Single Men in the Lifestyle: The Good, the Bad, and the Hedonistic

Single men. Love them or avoid them, they make up the biggest proportion of the club, the apps, and the orgasms. But not all single men are created equal!

Let’s Define Our Terms

When I say single men, I don’t mean relationship status. I don’t care if a man has a girlfriend, a wife, a situationship, or if he’s genuinely unburdened by anyone at all. I’ll play regardless. To me, single men are defined by how they play.

If a man turns up to a meet, a club, or a social without a partner in tow - no woman, no man, no couple - then in lifestyle terms he’s a “single man.” Simple as that.

So now we’re on the same page, let’s talk about the two broad categories I’ve noticed. And I’ll say this up front: I’ve played with men in both camps, I still do, I love men from both camps and both groups have their pros and cons.

Camp One: The Men Who Just Want To Get Laid

Let’s start with the most obvious group: men who are here for one reason - to fuck.

These guys often look at the lifestyle with a little bit of disdain. They’re the ones that fuck another man’s wife but say that they think the men are weird and they’d never let someone fuck their wife. They just want pussy, and they don’t mind if it happens to belong to someone’s wife.

They’re the ones who chase hotwives because getting the woman alone is a favourite endgame. They’ll thrive in a private setting but shrivel (sometimes literally) with an audience. When asking if they’re into group play, they might be but they’ll make it VERY clear that they are “straight straight”. They’ll go out of their way to tell you what they aren’t into.

They can be selfish in group settings, not necessarily intentionally but they focus on their own satisfaction. And when they’re in a relationship, they tend to disappear from the scene. You’ll see them on Tinder and Bumble as much as on Fab or club sites - casting the net wide, scouting for something “better.”

That said, in the right environment, when your kinks align, they can be a damn good fuck. Their selfishness has a flipside: when pleasing you pleases them, they’ll give and give until you’re both spent.

Camp Two: The Lifestyle Swingers

Then there are the men who are in it.

For these guys, fucking another man’s wife is not just acceptable - it’s the thrill. If the husband is watching, encouraging, or joining in, even better. Far from wilting under the gaze of another man, these guys get harder, louder, more into it.

They’ll want to hear about your other meets. They’ll ask who else you play with. They’ll probably fantasise about their own partner being like you - whether or not she knows what he’s up to.

These men tend to push boundaries. They’re not obsessed with orgasms, theirs or yours. For them, it’s about the overall pleasure, the experience, the intensity. They’re more fluid, less rigid about labels. Touch another man in the heat of the moment? Doesn’t make them bi, it just made sense at the time.

You won’t be their only playmate. They’ll be juggling couples, women, maybe even balancing their own relationship. But that’s not a bad thing. It just means they’re established, comfortable, and sought after. And when you get one in your bed, they’ll absolutely deliver. Usually they are well trained!

Spectrum, Not Boxes

I’ve called them two groups, but it’s more of a spectrum than separate pots.

Rarely do people fall into a binary but they’ll often lean more one way than the other - a bit like their cock! Some start as “get laid only” types and evolve into lifestyle swingers once they catch the buzz. Some are genuinely in the lifestyle but stop for a significant other.

It’s not about judgement. It’s about recognition. Knowing which camp a man falls into helps me manage my expectations, get the best from the experience, and avoid frustration.

My Own Examples

A few of my regulars fall neatly into these categories.

• The Bodybuilder: loves roleplays, rimming and anything taboo but playing away without permission. 100% a swinger. 
• The Mechanic: kinky AF, actually single, but not a swinger.
• The European: loves to give Mr the best views when playing away with permission, very much a swinger.
• The Bomb Dispatcher: bouncing between relationships, single, not a swinger.
• The Bald Guy: knows the scene so well and delivers incredible pleasure while single, and absolutely a swinger.

It’s a mix, and I value them all for different reasons. The swinger types feed off the dynamic with Mr, the thrill of being part of our story. The others give me something more private, direct, almost a mini-affair for me (always with Mr’s blessing) giving me the variety I crave and usually reminding me why I adore Mr more than anyone.

What Single Men Bring to the Table

Here’s the thing: both groups bring value. A LOT of value.

The “get laid only” guys might not care about the wider lifestyle, but when they’re good, they’re good. They’ll focus on you, and sometimes selfish hedonism overlaps neatly with my own needs bringing earth-shattering pleasure that leaves me unable to stand.

The swingers? They bring energy, community, thrill. They’re the ones who push boundaries, experiment, and make me feel part of something bigger.

Neither group is “better.” Both serve a purpose. Both have given me memorable experiences.

My Wish for Single Men

So here’s my little wish for single men in the lifestyle: know which camp you fall into. Own it.

If you’re just here to get laid, admit it. Don’t wrap it up in lifestyle language you don’t mean. If you’re a swinger, embrace it. Communicate what excites you and how you like to play.

The apps get criticised for being full of time wasters, but I think that’s because we project our expectations. We see the get laid guys being flaky but it’s because this isn’t who they are, it’s just something to do. And real swingers are in demand. The normality paradox says it all - people are more likely to be different from you than like you.

Honest, direct communication is all it takes to find compatible partners. Don’t let physical attributes distract you from who someone really is. The best meets, the best sex, the best connections happen when everyone knows what they’re bringing to the table.

So, single men - whether you’re chasing pussy or chasing thrills, you do bring good things. Just be honest about which one!

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