The fab journey #5 The ones we didn't meet

How do you know who to meet?

The ones that didn’t happen.

As a couple it is easy to be inundated with messages. With probably over a thousand accounts that have messaged us since creating our fab profile it only takes a dozen new messages to push the messages you do want to reply to down the inbox and almost impossible to find. As we were learning the ropes we realised how our profile picture had a huge impact on the volume of messages coming in. Our original profile picture was just a photo of my legs – being a new account this meant we had hundreds of messages really quickly. As the volume dropped down to a more normal level we decided to change up the picture to something slightly more ‘sexy’. Mr and I chose a picture of my in fishnet stockings, a fishnet bralette, satin robe open and high heels. With my face obscured it was, and still is, one of my favourite pictures. Almost as soon as that picture was live the messages came flooding in at a volume I could never have imagined. We were not prepared!! I think we lasted just a couple of hours before we put my legs back and regular volumes resumed.

It's easy to think of these accounts as nameless and faceless. But behind every image of a slightly wonky penis is a real person – even if they aren’t exactly as they say they are. I enjoyed talking to these people and learning about them and what makes them tick. So, I thought it was time to introduce you to a few memorable ‘candidates’.

 

Meet unlucky candidate number 1, Yank.

Yank was one of the very first people to message us. We chatted lots and it was easy enough to continue the conversation over days and weeks. His schedule and travel had made meeting for a social difficult but the challenges with schedules didn’t dampen the conversation. He was 6ft ish, gym fit and slender and as you may have guessed from the nickname, American. Mr and I had amazing conversations about what would happen on a social. He was thinking about the coffee and taking Yank for a drive so I could blow him in the backseat. It was a level I wasn’t thinking about for a first meet but I loved his enthusiasm for our journey. While the conversations with Yank continued, we managed to find a time for social with the Old Man. Following that meet, the Old Man verified us on fabs. Verifications are a way for people to post a short comment on someone else’s profile saying that they have met this person or couple and they are genuine or real people (as opposed to the accounts that are actually weird men pretending to be women!). Verifications can be from a video call or in-person meet. Some people will verify just from a social event, bumping into them at a club or full-on playtime and giving a run down on what that person is good at. We posted the verification from the Old Man that confirmed that Mr and I were in fact human. It was our first verification and a big step in being taken seriously on fabs. It took only minutes after we posted it for Yank to message about the verification. It appeared that the fact we had met someone else, or more specifically, I was not interested in only meeting him had caused an issue with him. We tried for many more weeks to keep the conversation going but no matter what he said, the initial reaction didn’t fade from my mind. This was meant to be about fun and exploring new things with new people. He wasn’t owed exclusivity from me and even when he tried to say he didn’t expect it, I didn’t fully trust his words. And in the disposable world of online hookups, that met he was off the list.

 

Meet not unlucky not-a-candidate number 2, Auschwitz

Auschwitz was tall…very tall. He messaged early on and chat with him was easy and funny and I actively looked forward to seeing his messages. He had an ability to make me laugh out loud with a very tongue-in-cheek approach that covered general chat always with an undertone of sex. His profile made it clear he wasn’t looking for in-person meets so I just enjoyed him for what he was - fun to chat to. Through the conversations it emerged he was married and on fabs without her knowledge or approval. This sparked some really deep conversations from Mr and I about whether we were OK with talking to people in that situation. In the end, we decided for Auschwitz that we were ok with continuing the conversation for many reasons. We chatted nightly, he sent cheeky photos and both Mr and I enjoyed it thoroughly. The conversation ended quite abruptly when Auschwitz blocked us. The nature of the site means that unless he chooses to unblock us, we’ll never know why!

Meet unlucky candidate number 3, Chubs

Chubs was another early conversation. He had that slight emo vibe with tattoos harking back to my teenage fantasies. He was respectful with how he spoke to both Mr and I and he was able to continue the conversation over many weeks – something that we have come to learn is quite a rarity. We spoke in depth about kinks and boundaries in a way that we hadn’t done with others. I enjoyed the mental aspect of thinking about what we may or may not be comfortable with and learning to articulate myself with regards to my own sexual preferences – this was definitely a new step.

With our club journey being planned in we suggested meeting at the club to Chubs and he happily agreed. So, one thing to know about Fabs is that in your profile you input key demographic information. It’s very superficial but if you have physical preferences it helps to filter out those that you are not interested in purely based on that information. These filters include height, age, sexual orientation and body type. Chubs could see that I was curvy and Mr was ample. And we could see Chubs had set himself as curvy. Knowing this hadn’t changed my view on meeting him. He had included a dick pic in his profile which I actively avoided looking at as personally I don’t find dick pics attractive. The picture was purely of his penis and not showing any other part of his body. Chubs had asked if we wanted to see more pictures of him and I had declined, I explained that for me pictures had the potential to put me off and I was already happy to meet him. It seemed Chubs was feeling insecure or unsure and despite my request he sent across multiple nude body shots. I felt so superficial and shallow but following the pictures I withdrew our offer to meet. It wasn’t only because of how he looked but that was definitely part of it. But he had chosen to ignore the direct request not to send more photos. Writing out the message to withdraw our offer was tough. The eternal people-pleaser in me found it almost impossible to be as direct as I needed to be but this is also part of the journey.

 

There are moments when you have invested time into a conversation and then it ends which leaves you feeling a little low. And not always for the reasons you expect. It’s not an easy, one size fits all thing on fabs. Every person is unique and how the conversation goes is uniquely complex. Every conversation is also an amazing learning opportunity. Through these conversations we got to learn where our own boundaries are and what we know is important to our journey. We do not want anyone that demands exclusivity from us, we understand more of the nuances of infidelity and when we are happy to continue the conversation with zero judgement on their relationship or choices, and we expect our boundaries to be respected especially in regards to photos.